Monday, April 11, 2011
Beyond Frustration
So I just looked at my last post...January 5th...What the hell? And that post, while very relevant to my life, had nothing to do with riding, in fact neither have the last 10 or 11. It has been 9 months since I've been on my bike. So that explains why no riding posts, it also explains why I'm a little absent from commenting on other blogs. Because although I love, love, love reading the experiences of those of you who I've come to count as friends...honestly it also pisses me off a little bit. I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling resentful, I'm feeling left out! Please don't take this the wrong way, it's just honest sharing between friends and obviously it isn't your fault that I am where I am. I work hard to support my family, and take care of what needs to be taken care of, and I'm happy that I'm able to do it. I am very happy in general with where I am in my life, but I just feel like when it comes to the bike, I can't get where I need to be. My bike hasn't been registered since July and every time I get "caught up" on everything else something else comes along that needs attending to. Every time I go into the garage I want to cry, my poor bike is just sitting there. And then I start feeling sorry for myself, and then I get pissed off at myself...how can I have this pity party? I have so much more than so many people, and I'm going to whine about what I can't do right now? I also could have put off my upcoming vacation so that I could get the bike registered, but I have made a vow to put people before things in my life, and I need this vacation, I need time with my husband, who has been working 60 hour work weeks ever since we got back from our honeymoon (mostly without pay) and I need to spend time with my son, and mostly I need to see my family. I can't believe how much I miss them, and I can't believe that I'm just now realizing this. I don't know what I'm going on about, just feeling pissy right now I guess. Bottom line is that I am truly blessed! The bike is safe and sound in the garage and not going anywhere, and when I am able I will get back on and make up for lost time, and in the meantime I am going to enjoy the people I have in my life, and I will even try to read all of your riding posts without shedding any tears and shorting out my keyboard.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
You're a Good Man Viking Dave!
Obviously I think my husband is pretty great, otherwise I wouldn't have married him. However, even if I look at him not as my husband, but only as a man, I think he is one of the most wonderful people in the world.
Some of you are familiar with Dave's business situation. He owns a coffee shop and he gets all kinds in here. I'm not trying to scare anyone away, but you can usually find more than a handful of down and outers hanging around. There is the group who comes over from one of the recovery centers down the road, there are the old guys who stay at the mission at night, but have no where to go during the day, and then you have some people who never talk to anyone but themselves so you don't really know their story. Most business owners would chase these people out the door before they could step in it.
Not my Dave, he not only gives these people a place of refuge, but he treats them like human beings, which a lot of people have forgotten they are. He talks to them and shows an interest in them and lets them know that he is here for them. He helps them on the computer if they need it, or anything else they may need help with.
I know he grows impatient sometimes, I can see it in his face. And even when he confides to me that he is going to 'stop being so nice' I know that he can't. He is who he is supposed to be, he can't help it, it's his nature.
He inspires me to be a better person, and I can't think of a single person other than Dave who I would want to be my son's role model of what a real man should be.
What I want to share with Dave (and everyone) is this....your kindness can save people. That young man who I'm sure was interrupting your game tonight....he had no one else to talk to, nobody else in this world cares where he is right now or if he's safe, healthy, and fed. You gave him a precious gift that cost you nothing. I know you were getting a little annoyed, but the point is that he didn't know it, all he knew was that for a few minutes somebody was treating him the way a human being should be treated.
He is just one example, I see you do this with people over and over everyday. It doesn't go unnoticed, and maybe, hopefully, by your example others will decide to open themselves up a little bit more. We could really use more people like you in this world.
Some of you are familiar with Dave's business situation. He owns a coffee shop and he gets all kinds in here. I'm not trying to scare anyone away, but you can usually find more than a handful of down and outers hanging around. There is the group who comes over from one of the recovery centers down the road, there are the old guys who stay at the mission at night, but have no where to go during the day, and then you have some people who never talk to anyone but themselves so you don't really know their story. Most business owners would chase these people out the door before they could step in it.
Not my Dave, he not only gives these people a place of refuge, but he treats them like human beings, which a lot of people have forgotten they are. He talks to them and shows an interest in them and lets them know that he is here for them. He helps them on the computer if they need it, or anything else they may need help with.
I know he grows impatient sometimes, I can see it in his face. And even when he confides to me that he is going to 'stop being so nice' I know that he can't. He is who he is supposed to be, he can't help it, it's his nature.
He inspires me to be a better person, and I can't think of a single person other than Dave who I would want to be my son's role model of what a real man should be.
What I want to share with Dave (and everyone) is this....your kindness can save people. That young man who I'm sure was interrupting your game tonight....he had no one else to talk to, nobody else in this world cares where he is right now or if he's safe, healthy, and fed. You gave him a precious gift that cost you nothing. I know you were getting a little annoyed, but the point is that he didn't know it, all he knew was that for a few minutes somebody was treating him the way a human being should be treated.
He is just one example, I see you do this with people over and over everyday. It doesn't go unnoticed, and maybe, hopefully, by your example others will decide to open themselves up a little bit more. We could really use more people like you in this world.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Lavapalooza
Even though I was in Lava dealing with family crisis, there were some positive aspects of my trip. I reconnected with some family who I've been out of contact with, I got to have an awesome road trip adventure with my boy, and I got to witness 'Lavapalooza'.
What is 'Lavapalooza' you ask? It is when over one thousand motorcycles take over the tiny little town of Lava Hot Springs Idaho. Okay...so nobody actually took over anything, but when you have that many bikes in a town that has a population of about 500, it kind of feels like it's being taken over. What a crappy day for my camera to stop working! But I know you all have great imaginations, so you can all picture it as you will.
When I first started seeing bikes rolling into town on Friday afternoon I asked my aunt what was going on. She owns one of the towns two bars and I knew she would be able to give me the info I was looking for. She told me about the event. Just your run of the mill rally....bikes, bikers, bands, drinks, vendors....wait....no vendors, guess it's even better than your typical run of the mill rally. I immediately got on the phone with Dave and told him that if he and Willy got on the bikes right then they could make it by the next afternoon, but alas, they had just done their Arizona trip and couldn't make it. I started having major withdrawals for my bike. And my silly dad told anyone who would listen about how "his little girl rides a Harley", I was getting embarrassed, but it was cute to see my dad proud of me for that.
I was excited to see all the goings on, but then I started thinking logically....I was staying at my Grams, in her apartment, above the other bar in town, the big party was going to be on Saturday night, I had to be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and drive 16 hours to get home. Oh boy, this could be bad.
Saturday night I tried to go to bed around ten, I would much rather have been down at the bar partying with my 1000 new friends, but the safety of my child came first, I needed to make sure I would be in good shape to drive.
And here is the breakdown for the rest of the night.
10:15- Loud, people yelling having a good time, laughing.
10:30- Arguing, escalating, can tell there is going to be a fight.
10:35- Screaming, women hysterical, fight, guys yelling, ends pretty quickly.
11:00- More arguing, different people, look out the window, two feet from my car, 8 guys, two different clubs, pushing, yelling, punching, getting closer to my car, one guy screaming,"I'll kill you if I have to, don't make me kill you", one guy on the ground, almost right on top of my car, guy down on the ground, another guy kicking him in the head, me thinking let them beat the shit out of each other, but what about my car, visions of my car getting a broken window and me running down in my p.j.'s yelling at the guys for breaking my car.
11:10- Cops roll up, guys jump off each other, assure cops they're 'all good', cops yelling at them, "why you guys have to act like a bunch of jackasses", some guy mumbling something I can't understand, cop smacks him up side the head and tells him to "shut the fuck up", guys hug each other, shake hands with the cops, everyone leaves, I get back in bed thinking 'this is the weirdest shit'
11:15- First bit of quiet for the night, interrupted by woman screaming, "oh my God, no! Don't do it", running, punching, again by my car, cops must be waiting around the corner, couple people cuffed, I go back to bed....I have got to get some sleep
After this point I lost track of time, but it went this way until 4 a.m., laughter & fun, fighting & screaming, back and forth.......
I have never experienced such madness in my life. Dave & I are planning on making it for 'Lavapalooza' next year..........anyone wanna go with?
What is 'Lavapalooza' you ask? It is when over one thousand motorcycles take over the tiny little town of Lava Hot Springs Idaho. Okay...so nobody actually took over anything, but when you have that many bikes in a town that has a population of about 500, it kind of feels like it's being taken over. What a crappy day for my camera to stop working! But I know you all have great imaginations, so you can all picture it as you will.
When I first started seeing bikes rolling into town on Friday afternoon I asked my aunt what was going on. She owns one of the towns two bars and I knew she would be able to give me the info I was looking for. She told me about the event. Just your run of the mill rally....bikes, bikers, bands, drinks, vendors....wait....no vendors, guess it's even better than your typical run of the mill rally. I immediately got on the phone with Dave and told him that if he and Willy got on the bikes right then they could make it by the next afternoon, but alas, they had just done their Arizona trip and couldn't make it. I started having major withdrawals for my bike. And my silly dad told anyone who would listen about how "his little girl rides a Harley", I was getting embarrassed, but it was cute to see my dad proud of me for that.
I was excited to see all the goings on, but then I started thinking logically....I was staying at my Grams, in her apartment, above the other bar in town, the big party was going to be on Saturday night, I had to be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and drive 16 hours to get home. Oh boy, this could be bad.
Saturday night I tried to go to bed around ten, I would much rather have been down at the bar partying with my 1000 new friends, but the safety of my child came first, I needed to make sure I would be in good shape to drive.
And here is the breakdown for the rest of the night.
10:15- Loud, people yelling having a good time, laughing.
10:30- Arguing, escalating, can tell there is going to be a fight.
10:35- Screaming, women hysterical, fight, guys yelling, ends pretty quickly.
11:00- More arguing, different people, look out the window, two feet from my car, 8 guys, two different clubs, pushing, yelling, punching, getting closer to my car, one guy screaming,"I'll kill you if I have to, don't make me kill you", one guy on the ground, almost right on top of my car, guy down on the ground, another guy kicking him in the head, me thinking let them beat the shit out of each other, but what about my car, visions of my car getting a broken window and me running down in my p.j.'s yelling at the guys for breaking my car.
11:10- Cops roll up, guys jump off each other, assure cops they're 'all good', cops yelling at them, "why you guys have to act like a bunch of jackasses", some guy mumbling something I can't understand, cop smacks him up side the head and tells him to "shut the fuck up", guys hug each other, shake hands with the cops, everyone leaves, I get back in bed thinking 'this is the weirdest shit'
11:15- First bit of quiet for the night, interrupted by woman screaming, "oh my God, no! Don't do it", running, punching, again by my car, cops must be waiting around the corner, couple people cuffed, I go back to bed....I have got to get some sleep
After this point I lost track of time, but it went this way until 4 a.m., laughter & fun, fighting & screaming, back and forth.......
I have never experienced such madness in my life. Dave & I are planning on making it for 'Lavapalooza' next year..........anyone wanna go with?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Life is Grand!
Ahhh, life is so good right now. I have not been riding nearly as much as I would like to this summer, some of it is because I'm so busy, some of it is because I have neglected some things that needed to be taken care of, that's a long story and I'll post more on that later.
But.....life is good! Minus not having the kid here, it has been an amazing summer. Dave's kids have spent time with us and that was just awesome! Spending time with Dave's kids has made me realize even more how much I love him...if that was possible.
The wedding is close, and in spite of the changes of some plans, things are great on that front also. I am more excited than stressed, lately the lyrics for the song Anticipation keep popping into my head!
We have mice babies...okay, that may not seem significant to most people, but I just think it's really cool. Watching life start out amazes me, even if most of them will become snake food...it's still pretty amazing.
I tried yoga for the first time today, it kicked my ass.....but I feel awesome right now. I have a ton of energy, I'm typing like 100 words a minute right now, and the funny thing is...I don't know what's moving faster, my brain or my fingers. Okay, so maybe I'm just a little scattered too.
I just wanted to check in with my friends, I hope you are all doing amazingly well.
But.....life is good! Minus not having the kid here, it has been an amazing summer. Dave's kids have spent time with us and that was just awesome! Spending time with Dave's kids has made me realize even more how much I love him...if that was possible.
The wedding is close, and in spite of the changes of some plans, things are great on that front also. I am more excited than stressed, lately the lyrics for the song Anticipation keep popping into my head!
We have mice babies...okay, that may not seem significant to most people, but I just think it's really cool. Watching life start out amazes me, even if most of them will become snake food...it's still pretty amazing.
I tried yoga for the first time today, it kicked my ass.....but I feel awesome right now. I have a ton of energy, I'm typing like 100 words a minute right now, and the funny thing is...I don't know what's moving faster, my brain or my fingers. Okay, so maybe I'm just a little scattered too.
I just wanted to check in with my friends, I hope you are all doing amazingly well.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
A Little Story About Plans
Rewind 11 years ago....I was pregnant with the kid. In my childbirth class the instructor told us we should write a birth plan. I am a huge planner, so I was more than happy to do this. I wrote a detailed plan about how my birthing experience would go.....the day came, and we might as well have flushed that plan down the toilet when my water broke. Every single thing that I wrote in my plan happened in exactly the opposite.
Okay, present day...Planning a wedding. First let me say, that to me, the most important part of our wedding day will be the fact that I will be married to the most wonderful man in the world. With that said, I have put a lot of thought, energy and time into planning for things to be the way that we would like them to be for that one day.
We are 42 days away from the wedding and in the last few weeks, my maid of honor has backed out, along with taking the flower girl (her daughter) with her, honeymoon plans have changed (due to the fact that the kid starts school earlier than usual this year), and now the cool porcelain flowers that I wanted for my bouquet are no longer available.
Now, like I said before, the day will be perfect as long as Dave and I are married at the end of it. It's just frustrating that I spent all the time planning for all the icing on the cake just to have it melt before I could enjoy it. Yes, I am disappointed, yes I broke down and cried today, yes it sucks. But I am also keeping my perspective, and I know what matters. And seriously when I think about it, more is working out as planned than not.
I look forward to marrying the man of my dreams and spending the day with people who I love and who love me back. It's going to be an amazing day, no matter what. But my new plan........no more planning!
Okay, present day...Planning a wedding. First let me say, that to me, the most important part of our wedding day will be the fact that I will be married to the most wonderful man in the world. With that said, I have put a lot of thought, energy and time into planning for things to be the way that we would like them to be for that one day.
We are 42 days away from the wedding and in the last few weeks, my maid of honor has backed out, along with taking the flower girl (her daughter) with her, honeymoon plans have changed (due to the fact that the kid starts school earlier than usual this year), and now the cool porcelain flowers that I wanted for my bouquet are no longer available.
Now, like I said before, the day will be perfect as long as Dave and I are married at the end of it. It's just frustrating that I spent all the time planning for all the icing on the cake just to have it melt before I could enjoy it. Yes, I am disappointed, yes I broke down and cried today, yes it sucks. But I am also keeping my perspective, and I know what matters. And seriously when I think about it, more is working out as planned than not.
I look forward to marrying the man of my dreams and spending the day with people who I love and who love me back. It's going to be an amazing day, no matter what. But my new plan........no more planning!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Hi
Hi everyone! I am still here, I'm still breathing, and yes, I'm still planning on marrying the man of my dreams. All is well, well almost well! I'm busy, busy, busy. And I'm dealing with drama in my life right now, but nobody is going to steal my joy....you hear that you control freak, want everyone to live their lives for you, stupid jerks!? I'm happy and I don't give a shit if you aren't. When I go to sleep in 58 days, I am going to be married to a wonderful man who shows me more love each day than you will ever know in a lifetime! So thanks for making me appreciate what I have even more than I already did! Go ahead and continue living your lives of lies!
And to all of you who try to add to my joy rather than subtract from it....Thank you! You may not agree with everything that I do, or don't do, but I appreciate the unconditional love and forgiveness that you show me, I know a few people who could learn a lesson or two from you right now!
Dave....I am so thankful you are the man you are. I am so blessed to have you. I wouldn't want to be on this crazy adventure with anyone else. You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loved! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for letting me be myself and for loving me no matter what, and for letting me use my own brain, and not treating me like a child who needs to be told when to wipe their own ass!
Okay, whoa...I guess I needed to vent more than I thought that I did! Thanks for letting me! :)
Oh, yeah, and in case you missed it..................58 DAYS AND COUNTING!
And to all of you who try to add to my joy rather than subtract from it....Thank you! You may not agree with everything that I do, or don't do, but I appreciate the unconditional love and forgiveness that you show me, I know a few people who could learn a lesson or two from you right now!
Dave....I am so thankful you are the man you are. I am so blessed to have you. I wouldn't want to be on this crazy adventure with anyone else. You are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo loved! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for letting me be myself and for loving me no matter what, and for letting me use my own brain, and not treating me like a child who needs to be told when to wipe their own ass!
Okay, whoa...I guess I needed to vent more than I thought that I did! Thanks for letting me! :)
Oh, yeah, and in case you missed it..................58 DAYS AND COUNTING!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Greetings From Tennessee
Hi everyone! I just arrived in Tennessee tonight. I'm spending the next few days here to see my favorite niece, Nastassia, graduate from high school. If you only knew the week I had, and all the obstacles that tried to stand in my way of getting on that plane.....big sigh of relief, I made it!
Anyways, I will have stories and pics of my trip when I get home to share with all my friends.
Dave- Thanks so much for helping me get through the past week and helping me stay (somewhat) sane. Thanks for being such a great man that I can leave my son with you and know that he will be well taken care of! Miss you guys, but I promise to be a happy camper when I get home!
Nats- I'm so proud of you. You are an amazing young lady and I'm blessed to have you in my life!
CONGRATULATIONS!
Anyways, I will have stories and pics of my trip when I get home to share with all my friends.
Dave- Thanks so much for helping me get through the past week and helping me stay (somewhat) sane. Thanks for being such a great man that I can leave my son with you and know that he will be well taken care of! Miss you guys, but I promise to be a happy camper when I get home!
Nats- I'm so proud of you. You are an amazing young lady and I'm blessed to have you in my life!
CONGRATULATIONS!
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