I wrote a post almost two years ago titled "Sometimes it is the destination". In that post I wrote about a trip we were getting ready to take to visit family in Utah. The trip was wonderful, and life-changing.
It was wonderful to see hubs with his whole family. Everyone was there, with the exception of my son, who was with his dad for the summer. One evening during the trip we had a family dinner at my in-laws house. At one point after dinner as all the nieces and nephews were playing and brothers and sisters were visiting, I looked over at my mother-in-law. She was just sitting there looking around at her family with the happiest look on her face. I could just feel the contentment radiating from her, and at that very moment, I knew. I knew where we needed to be.
Hubs has mentioned wanting to move back to Utah many times. I have to say that I was adamantly against it. I grew up about an hour from where his parents live and I hated it. I hated the slow pace, I hated the snow, I hated all of it. My life was in California now. It's where I had lived for the past 18 years, it's where my son was born, and the only place he had ever lived, it was the place I considered home. It WAS the place I considered home, until I saw that look on my mother-in-law's face. At that point I realized my home was where I felt warmth from family. I didn't have that in California. I had many good friends, I had parents of my son's friends who I felt like I'd grown as a mom with, but as far as family? Nothing. It was me and Bubs, until Hubs came along, then it was the three of us. We made the most of holidays, but they never really felt like much, just us. Even on the occasions when our friends were nice enough to invite us to share the holidays with them, it just wasn't the same.
The more I started thinking about it, the more I realized how much my son was being ripped off. He needs family, he needs that connection. Not to mention the fact that where we were living, he couldn't even go to the park across the street without fear of being shot. Our neighbors were junkies, and almost burnt our house down when they started theirs on fire. Yeah, nice neighborhood.
When I told Hubs that I wanted to move, he was in disbelief. I don't think he fully grasped it until we were on our way out here.
Bubs was on board. I was actually a little bit surprised. He said he would miss his friends, but seemed excited at the prospect of getting to know a whole new part of his family. He was excited about all of the activities he would be able to experience here.
There was one major issue with the move, and that was my ex-husband. Unfortunately things got pretty ugly for awhile and we had to fight it out in court for almost a year. It was one of the most stressful situations I've ever had to deal with. It put us all through so much, but I knew in the end it would be worth it. I won't get into details, but I will say that I had made a very generous offer to my ex regarding the move and visitation, but he chose to be a hard ass about it, and in the end ended up screwing himself. My son sees his dad as much now as he did when we lived in the same state, but that's a whole other story.
We sold pretty much everything we owned to make the move out here. We had no jobs lined up. Thanks to our in-laws we had a place lined up to live temporarily. It's a cozy little cabin in the woods. Our move was a total leap of faith, and it paid off. Two days after we got here, I had a job. I was starting out making more than what I made in California. A month later, Hubs got a job, a job that actually allowed him to cash a paycheck. Bubs started school, and loved it. He made friends right away.
It has been almost 8 months since we moved here and I consider it a huge success. It has been tough at times. Like when it was -20 degrees and the cabin wouldn't get warmer than around 58 degrees. Or the first few snow storms when I couldn't get down our steep dirt hill. But those are temporary things I had to deal with, and they have already passed. Our lives are so much better. We are happier, we are less stressed, we are in a better position financially (a fact that helped out immensely when my mom got sick and I had to fly to Tennessee with one day notice).
Eight months later, I am also still amazed by how beautiful it is here. The mountains, the wildlife, even the snow, it's all amazing, and something I hope I never take for granted.
I am thankful to be here. I feel at peace here, and I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now.
A Fine Mess
1 week ago