Sometimes it is the Destination

I have an exciting vacation coming up.  The hubs and I are taking a road trip with 2 of our 3 kids and our grand daughter.  While on vacation we will be visiting family and attending my 20 year high school reunion.  As excited as I am for the vacation as a whole, there is one thing that I'm doing on this vacation that makes everything else pale in comparison......

I get to see my Grams!!!!!   Some of you may remember me talking about my Grams before, she is one of my most favorite people ever!  The last time I saw my Grams was almost two years ago and she was laying in a hospital bed recovering from a broken neck and serious head trauma.  She had taken a pretty bad spill, and considering her age (85 at the time) the doctors didn't really think she would make it through.  So that visit was spent with my Dad and brother making funeral arrangements and attending to all of Grams affairs.  I still want to cry thinking about it. 

By the time I had to leave to come home, Grams was doing a little bit better, but they still weren't optimistic about a full recovery.  Even if she did make it through the immediate danger, she would probably go into a rest home and never be the same.  I remember the day I said "good-bye" to her in the hospital, I remember thinking that would probably be the last time that I ever saw her, and I remember thinking how happy I was that the kid was with me on his trip.  He had met Grams plenty of times, but this was the first time he was old enough to probably remember really well.  And even though she was in the hospital, all banged up, he would be able to know who she was later on when I talked about her and what an amazing woman she was. 

Now, when I say amazing woman, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea...Grams is no Saint.  She is one stubborn, crazy, troublemaker.  I probably relate to her more than anyone else I've ever known.  She can be a sweet woman, but she also won't stand for any B.S. and she'll tell you how it is when necessary. 

Well, Grams did recover from her injuries, almost fully.  She has to use a cane to get around, and she says she can't do her daily crossword puzzle anymore.  But I think the same could be said for a majority of 87 year olds.  She has been fortunate enough to continue living on her own.  She lives in a very small town and thankfully there are some really great people who stop in to check on her and make sure she has everything she needs. 

I am so looking forward to seeing Grams and giving her a big hug!  I already felt blessed that she was a part of my life, but I have felt especially blessed the last two years, and am thankful for every extra moment I get with her.

Catching Up

Wow, I can't believe that next month my hubs and I will celebrate our second wedding anniversary.  The last two years have gone faster than any other time in my life, even if at times it felt like I was stuck in slow motion with no hope of ever moving forward. 

Many things have changed in my life these past two years, besides the normal changes that go along with hitching up with another human being.  I think the biggest change has been my decision to let go of things (or people) who brought nothing positive to my little world. 

I've had to distance myself from some "friends" who brought nothing but upheaval into my life simply because they thought they knew certain dynamics of the sometimes complicated relationship that my husband and I share.  I admit, that if I were an outsider looking in, I might not understand what the two of us have.  But the important thing is that the two of us understand what we have and our love is the kind of love that defies logic.  I know that sounds silly, but it's totally true.  I have an absolute love and respect for my hubs, and he knows that, so as long as he knows how I feel about him, I don't care anymore what anyone thinks or their perception of how I treat him. 
Wow, sorry, didn't really mean to go off on that.  But I guess it was bothering me and I wanted, or maybe really needed, to get it out there.

Despite the fact that a few relationships may have fallen by the wayside, the relationships that I need to be in tact are better than ever.  I continue to have a beautiful relationship with my son, even as he inches closer and closer to becoming a teenager.  With every year I realize more how blessed I am to have such an amazing child.  He really has a beautiful soul, and is one of the kindest people I know.  I love the open communication that we are able to share, and I know some people say that will change, but honestly I don't see it happening.   I also have been able to share the relationship with my stepchildren that I had hoped for, but worried wouldn't happen.  They are amazing kids, well, adults now.  We have been able to start spending more time with them and it's been wonderful getting to be there for milestones.  I've also been fortunate enough to forge a relationship with their mom and even her side of the family.  They have all been so kind to me, and treated me like a part of the family.  I cannot even express how much it means to me.  I am so happy that we can all come together at the important moments in our children's lives and not just tolerate one another, but actually enjoy each other's company. 

Life is always evolving, and we can either evolve with it or become sad and bitter.  I have spent plenty of time being bitter about things that I should have let go a long time ago.  My goal now is to just keep moving forward, and to do it (mostly) with a smile on my face.

Change is in the air

Hi, my name is B.B., some of you may remember me.  Where have I been?  Really, honestly it'd be easier to say where I haven't been, which is on my bike.  Some of you already know this, but I have decided to sell my sportster.  It's been a hard decision, and that must be why I haven't really put that much effort into actually trying to find someone to buy it.  But for reasons that are beyond my control I have to get on it and get it done.
I have decided I would really like to get back into my blog, but obviously it will be changing quite a bit and will focus on other aspects of my life and where it's headed now. 
So it may not be of any interest to some of you any more.....of course I haven't written for so long, I don't even know how many people will actually even read this.  But I hope that at least some of you will find some use for my ramblings about daily life. 
In the next week or so I will be changing the title of my blog to better fit its content, so stay tuned because change is in the air......................

Beyond Frustration

So I just looked at my last post...January 5th...What the hell? And that post, while very relevant to my life, had nothing to do with riding, in fact neither have the last 10 or 11. It has been 9 months since I've been on my bike. So that explains why no riding posts, it also explains why I'm a little absent from commenting on other blogs. Because although I love, love, love reading the experiences of those of you who I've come to count as friends...honestly it also pisses me off a little bit. I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling resentful, I'm feeling left out! Please don't take this the wrong way, it's just honest sharing between friends and obviously it isn't your fault that I am where I am. I work hard to support my family, and take care of what needs to be taken care of, and I'm happy that I'm able to do it. I am very happy in general with where I am in my life, but I just feel like when it comes to the bike, I can't get where I need to be. My bike hasn't been registered since July and every time I get "caught up" on everything else something else comes along that needs attending to. Every time I go into the garage I want to cry, my poor bike is just sitting there. And then I start feeling sorry for myself, and then I get pissed off at myself...how can I have this pity party? I have so much more than so many people, and I'm going to whine about what I can't do right now? I also could have put off my upcoming vacation so that I could get the bike registered, but I have made a vow to put people before things in my life, and I need this vacation, I need time with my husband, who has been working 60 hour work weeks ever since we got back from our honeymoon (mostly without pay) and I need to spend time with my son, and mostly I need to see my family. I can't believe how much I miss them, and I can't believe that I'm just now realizing this. I don't know what I'm going on about, just feeling pissy right now I guess. Bottom line is that I am truly blessed! The bike is safe and sound in the garage and not going anywhere, and when I am able I will get back on and make up for lost time, and in the meantime I am going to enjoy the people I have in my life, and I will even try to read all of your riding posts without shedding any tears and shorting out my keyboard.

You're a Good Man Viking Dave!

Obviously I think my husband is pretty great, otherwise I wouldn't have married him. However, even if I look at him not as my husband, but only as a man, I think he is one of the most wonderful people in the world.
Some of you are familiar with Dave's business situation. He owns a coffee shop and he gets all kinds in here. I'm not trying to scare anyone away, but you can usually find more than a handful of down and outers hanging around. There is the group who comes over from one of the recovery centers down the road, there are the old guys who stay at the mission at night, but have no where to go during the day, and then you have some people who never talk to anyone but themselves so you don't really know their story. Most business owners would chase these people out the door before they could step in it.
Not my Dave, he not only gives these people a place of refuge, but he treats them like human beings, which a lot of people have forgotten they are. He talks to them and shows an interest in them and lets them know that he is here for them. He helps them on the computer if they need it, or anything else they may need help with.
I know he grows impatient sometimes, I can see it in his face. And even when he confides to me that he is going to 'stop being so nice' I know that he can't. He is who he is supposed to be, he can't help it, it's his nature.
He inspires me to be a better person, and I can't think of a single person other than Dave who I would want to be my son's role model of what a real man should be.
What I want to share with Dave (and everyone) is this....your kindness can save people. That young man who I'm sure was interrupting your game tonight....he had no one else to talk to, nobody else in this world cares where he is right now or if he's safe, healthy, and fed. You gave him a precious gift that cost you nothing. I know you were getting a little annoyed, but the point is that he didn't know it, all he knew was that for a few minutes somebody was treating him the way a human being should be treated.
He is just one example, I see you do this with people over and over everyday. It doesn't go unnoticed, and maybe, hopefully, by your example others will decide to open themselves up a little bit more. We could really use more people like you in this world.

Lavapalooza

Even though I was in Lava dealing with family crisis, there were some positive aspects of my trip. I reconnected with some family who I've been out of contact with, I got to have an awesome road trip adventure with my boy, and I got to witness 'Lavapalooza'.

What is 'Lavapalooza' you ask? It is when over one thousand motorcycles take over the tiny little town of Lava Hot Springs Idaho. Okay...so nobody actually took over anything, but when you have that many bikes in a town that has a population of about 500, it kind of feels like it's being taken over. What a crappy day for my camera to stop working! But I know you all have great imaginations, so you can all picture it as you will.

When I first started seeing bikes rolling into town on Friday afternoon I asked my aunt what was going on. She owns one of the towns two bars and I knew she would be able to give me the info I was looking for. She told me about the event. Just your run of the mill rally....bikes, bikers, bands, drinks, vendors....wait....no vendors, guess it's even better than your typical run of the mill rally. I immediately got on the phone with Dave and told him that if he and Willy got on the bikes right then they could make it by the next afternoon, but alas, they had just done their Arizona trip and couldn't make it. I started having major withdrawals for my bike. And my silly dad told anyone who would listen about how "his little girl rides a Harley", I was getting embarrassed, but it was cute to see my dad proud of me for that.

I was excited to see all the goings on, but then I started thinking logically....I was staying at my Grams, in her apartment, above the other bar in town, the big party was going to be on Saturday night, I had to be up at the crack of dawn on Sunday and drive 16 hours to get home. Oh boy, this could be bad.

Saturday night I tried to go to bed around ten, I would much rather have been down at the bar partying with my 1000 new friends, but the safety of my child came first, I needed to make sure I would be in good shape to drive.

And here is the breakdown for the rest of the night.


10:15- Loud, people yelling having a good time, laughing.

10:30- Arguing, escalating, can tell there is going to be a fight.

10:35- Screaming, women hysterical, fight, guys yelling, ends pretty quickly.

11:00- More arguing, different people, look out the window, two feet from my car, 8 guys, two different clubs, pushing, yelling, punching, getting closer to my car, one guy screaming,"I'll kill you if I have to, don't make me kill you", one guy on the ground, almost right on top of my car, guy down on the ground, another guy kicking him in the head, me thinking let them beat the shit out of each other, but what about my car, visions of my car getting a broken window and me running down in my p.j.'s yelling at the guys for breaking my car.

11:10- Cops roll up, guys jump off each other, assure cops they're 'all good', cops yelling at them, "why you guys have to act like a bunch of jackasses", some guy mumbling something I can't understand, cop smacks him up side the head and tells him to "shut the fuck up", guys hug each other, shake hands with the cops, everyone leaves, I get back in bed thinking 'this is the weirdest shit'

11:15- First bit of quiet for the night, interrupted by woman screaming, "oh my God, no! Don't do it", running, punching, again by my car, cops must be waiting around the corner, couple people cuffed, I go back to bed....I have got to get some sleep

After this point I lost track of time, but it went this way until 4 a.m., laughter & fun, fighting & screaming, back and forth.......
I have never experienced such madness in my life. Dave & I are planning on making it for 'Lavapalooza' next year..........anyone wanna go with?

Life is Grand!

Ahhh, life is so good right now. I have not been riding nearly as much as I would like to this summer, some of it is because I'm so busy, some of it is because I have neglected some things that needed to be taken care of, that's a long story and I'll post more on that later.
But.....life is good! Minus not having the kid here, it has been an amazing summer. Dave's kids have spent time with us and that was just awesome! Spending time with Dave's kids has made me realize even more how much I love him...if that was possible.
The wedding is close, and in spite of the changes of some plans, things are great on that front also. I am more excited than stressed, lately the lyrics for the song Anticipation keep popping into my head!
We have mice babies...okay, that may not seem significant to most people, but I just think it's really cool. Watching life start out amazes me, even if most of them will become snake food...it's still pretty amazing.
I tried yoga for the first time today, it kicked my ass.....but I feel awesome right now. I have a ton of energy, I'm typing like 100 words a minute right now, and the funny thing is...I don't know what's moving faster, my brain or my fingers. Okay, so maybe I'm just a little scattered too.
I just wanted to check in with my friends, I hope you are all doing amazingly well.