Monday, October 26, 2009

It's Been Way Too Long Baby

It's been awhile since I've had a decent ride. Ever since I re-did my permit several weeks ago, I have ridden around town, to and from work, just little jaunts, all good, but nothing great!
I did have a couple of opportunities, like when we went to the corn maze a couple of weeks ago, but for some reason I just didn't. I can't really explain why, something just didn't feel right. I wanted to ride, but couldn't bring myself to. What's up with that? Maybe because I had been so sick I still didn't really feel like myself? Maybe because I was feeling pressure to ride, when one of the greatest things about riding is supposed to be releasing my pressure?
All I knew was that it really had been too long. It was time, now I just had to find the time. But isn't it nice how sometimes time just finds you?
Sunday I woke up early after being up way too late the night before. The sun was shining outside, it was a beautiful day, but I couldn't get my butt off the couch. I watched a movie with the kid, well he watched the movie while I drifted in and out of sleep. He had been invited over to a friends house for the afternoon so Dave suggested we get out for a ride. He wanted to ride over to Carmel to have lunch at this place he had been telling me about for awhile.
So Dave took the kid over to his friends house while I got ready. By the time I was ready Dave had pulled Patience out of the garage and Willy D. and Carol were waiting outside.
It felt good getting on the bike and knowing that I was going somewhere fun, not just to work.
I was a little bit anxious because the road we were going to take is a bit curvy with some pretty good drop offs to the right side. I actually had never ridden that road on my own, just on the back with Dave. When we first started out on the road I thought to myself, "Well this isn't as bad as I remember." But then we really got into it, and I found myself talking out loud again. Telling myself to keep my head up, look where I wanted to go, pay attention to the signs, all that good stuff.
After awhile I relaxed and realized I had been on curvier roads than this and done just fine. Then I was able to really enjoy being out. I was happy, it had been too long. Why did I do that to myself?
We had a great lunch at the Running Iron, it was just as good as Dave said it was. The only bad part about lunch was a lady sitting behind me downing glass after glass of wine and crying, seriously, crying about how horrible her life was and how nobody understood how good she was at taking care of her family. And how she was such an amazing person. Dave was trying to distract me, but for some reason I just wanted to turn around and punch her in the face. I don't know why it bothered me so bad, it just did.
After lunch I called to check on the kid, his friends dad, who also rides, said he was fine and just go ride and have a good time, pick him up whenever. Cool!
So we were off again, just riding around in the sun enjoying the day. I need to do this more. There is no guarantee how long I have to enjoy this, I need to enjoy it while I can. That's advice I always give to everyone else, but somehow I don't apply it to my own life.
I'm working on making my life better right now, I'm going to stop procrastinating. I'm going to get stuff done. Wow, isn't it amazing what a ride can do!

Sunday, October 18, 2009


I've been thinking a lot lately about expectations that we have. Expectations for ourselves, for our lives, for those around us.
I've been thinking about how many of these expectations have set me up to be disappointed in myself, in my life, and in those around me.
I've been thinking maybe it would be easier if I didn't have any expectations, no disappointment, no feeling let down.
But what would my life be without expectation? Sure, there would be no disappointment, or would there? But what kind of life would it be to just go without expectation. There is a difference between being able to shrug stuff off when it happens and just being totally indifferent. Indifference is a sad way to live, I've been there. I want to be able to feel the excitement when something goes exactly the way I expected it would, or the surprise when it goes better than I ever could have expected, I guess I even want to be able to feel the disappointment when it just doesn't work out. In the end I guess that's the only way I can truly appreciate the rest of it.
When I really sit back and think about it, expectations have brought me far more joy than disappointment. So I guess I'll go about with my expectations and just work on being able to put things into perspective, things work out the way they are supposed to, whether we like it or not.