Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I'm here, but I'm not really here

The last few weeks I feel like I have been walking around in a fog. It all started with the stomach flu, or a mild case of food poisoning, not sure really. That lasted for about two days. That joy was immediately followed by the worst case of P.M.S. that I have ever suffered. I was seriously the biggest bitch for days, ask Dave, poor guy just smiled and blew me kisses in fear for his life. I did manage to enjoy my birthday in the middle of it, thanks to my wonderful man who may not always know exactly what to do, but whose trying makes it all okay.
Just when I was starting to get over the bitchies I got a bad cold. Since I don't get paid sick days, and I can't afford not to get paid, I had to work through it. Pretty much every minute I wasn't working I was sleeping. I haven't felt that miserable in a long time. I thought I may have a sinus infection, but it's now clearing up, so I think it was just a cold.
Riley was with going to be with his dad for the weekend and I really wanted to ride, but I still wasn't feeling great Friday night when I went to bed. I woke up Saturday feeling decent, but not 100%. I decided it might be best for me to ride bitch for the day. At least I would get to ride one way or another. But then when I got out of the shower I felt good so I opened up the garage and pulled the girl out to warm her up, she takes awhile to get going. Dave walked out and asked what I was doing, and I told him I needed to ride. We had a great day Saturday, I will post about that later, but then I feel a huge let down after the weekend.
While I was sick I was thinking about my job a lot. I love my job, but I'm seriously considering a career move. My job allows for a lot of freedom and flexibility, but that can also equal instability. I have no benefits of any kind. Thankfully Ry is covered under his dad's insurance, but I have no medical, dental, vision, nothing. I just found out yesterday that a place I used to work is hiring, and I know that they would hire me back. It's totally different from what I'm doing now. It's an office job, Monday through Friday 9-6, totally structured, not much freedom or flexibility. But.... there are benefits. Paid sick time and vacation, medical, dental, vision, 401K. It's hard to compare the pay because my hours always change with my current job, and I pay self employment taxes and crap, but I think it would be a little bit more than what I'm making now. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I sit here and think, "When did this become my life?" Don't get me wrong, I love my life, and there are very few things about it that I would change, but sometimes it just seems like I'm watching my life like a movie on a screen and it's going by so fast and I'm not sure if I'm actually living it, or just being dragged along.
Whoa, I'm getting way too deep here. I think I've had way too much down time the last two weeks, not a good thing! Anyways, just wanted to share what's been going on with me, I'm sure you can all relate to some degree.

12 comments:

Becky said...

I feel for you. I have also been sick for a couple of weeks, but had to travel to Santa Cruz for a job interview. I got the job! It does have benefits, which I feel are very important to me and worth alot since I'm not getting any younger. Think about it, but stability is a good thing. I'll be moving down before Thanksgiving but probably won't have my Vulcan with me. It will come along later. That will be tough.

Bikerchickz

B.B. said...

I was just thinking about you! Congrats on the job. Did you get my email? Let us know if you need anything.

mrs rc said...

PMS huh? No wonder Dave is in another of his monthly "deep" phases!! LOL Glad to hear you are feeling better.

I know its tough being in a funk and not knowing what to do about your job. I am kinda the other way around...being a teacher I get great benefits, but I'm not very happy. So do I look for something else that is less stressful and more rewarding with fewer benefits, or do I suck it up and enjoy the benefits I have? I could probably ponder forever, and all I'd ever decide is that I just wanna RIDE!!!

Lady Ridesalot said...

wow! Sounds like you got a lot going on that head of yours. Thinking things through is all you can do at this point. If I get into a situation, when a decision like this has to be made, here's what I do.

I find it helpful to make two columns on a piece of paper and start listing all the reasons you should in one column, and all the reasons you shouldn't in the other. Believe it or not, you will be able to come to a sensible answer by weighing all this out. Usually, the side with the most things listed wins!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

B.B. said...

Mrs. R.C.- LOL, it's so true, his deep thoughts usually occur around the same time.
Benefits definately matter, but so does being happy. But you're right, as long as we get to ride...who cares! :)

Lady R.- Thanks for the advice! I've been going over it so much in my head that it's all a jumble, being able to visualize it would probably help.

Mimi said...

I know it such a hard decision. I'd probably go for the benefits. Then again I'm writing this with the worst toothache in my life - and no dental.

B.B. said...

Mimi- Sorry about the toothache. I've been there. I hate not having benefits, they would really be a plus.

One Harley Rider said...

Huh? Benefits - or freedom which is in itself a benefit. I would wait until after the election, everyone will probably be getting FREE benefits. Well not free, but government sponsered, so actually VERY EXPENSIVE benefits. I am sorry for letting my bitterness show. The job freedom sounds very nice.

Mr. Motorcycle said...

Regarding wondering is this really my life....

Life is what happens while we are sitting around thinking about it and planning it out.

You'll figure it out. You can only plan so much. Life is like a motorcycle ride. There will be forks in the road. If you don't know which way to turn, guess and hope for the best. The uncertainty and gamble is sometimes what makes the ride so great!

KT Did said...

It just happens. That's what life is all about. Hope you are feeling better soon. Til then, go with it all til is all passes.

Ann said...

That's a tough decision, but benefits would be great. You need to take care of you. :)

"Joker" said...

Hi BB!! Better late than never, here I am! Wow, I guess I'm not the only one who's been under the weather lately! Like you, I too felt better getting back out on the bike again. Cold-bloodedness is a trait of the current Sporty Evo I think; mine takes her time to warm up too. I hate to speak this way of a lady, but she farts like a football fan on a Monday morning when I try to ride her cold!

As far as the job situation goes, I suppose like anything else it involves a trade off. All I can offer is my humble opinion, which is that you take the job with the bennies and suffer the loss of flexibility. A little extra do-ray-me in the envelope as a result isn't a bad thing either.

For years, family and friends have occasionally poked fun at me for being "insurance poor," meaning I pay so many premiums I have no $ left. Since my accident, they now sing my praises, since it was my OWN policy with optional bodily injury by an an under-insured motorist coverage that saved my ass. Without that, I'd probably be looking at foreclosure on my house right now instead of having just bought a new bike.

You never know what can happen, and in this economy a job where you don't get paid if you can't show up for work is really risky I think. Don't count on Obama to wave a magic wand and make it all go away over night. IMHO. Good luck.